Motherhood

I want to write about motherhood. Its hard to find the right words to describe how this experience has been... My whole life I have always thought of kids as "just apart of the package." Something I knew I was going to do. I just didn't really know how it was going to be. I mean don't get me wrong, I knew the basics. Being the oldest of four kids, with my brother nine years younger than me I had a pretty good idea of what it was going to be like. I just don't think I was anywhere ready for the immense emotions that go along with changing a diaper, or in the beginning those midnight feedings. The love I feel for Sybella is unlike any other I've ever felt! The kind of love that you know if some bad person wanted to harm her you would gladly give yourself over to save her. I mean I really feel like a mama bear. Your protective instincts just come out so strong. All because of this intense love I feel for her. I remember when I was pregnant I loved walking around feeling like I was never alone :) I loved how much she kicked at any pressure from the outside world she felt. I remember how excited I was to meet her! I don't want to go into to much detail right now about my pregnacy or delivery because I plan to write Sybella's birthing story soon. But what I'm trying to explain is since I first found out I was pregnant I already felt like a mother. There was a strong pressure to protect and take care of this little life inside me. I have now discovered that being a mother is the best gift I've ever been given. It is such a joy everyday to take care of my little BellaRoo. Its the little moments that I've found mean the most to me. When I'm giving her a bedtime bottle as she starts to fall asleep in my arms, she reaches up grabs ahold onto my finger. It brings me to tears :') Or everytime she learns something new I get such a rush of pride. I'm trying to enjoy every moment I get with her. I think it can be difficult as a first-time-parent to not be mainly focusing on "the next stage" Sitting up on her own, rolling over, crawling ect. I'm working living in moment always. There is a song that is SO like me!! It makes me all teary eyed when I listen to it, like I am now *sniff sniff*. Trace Adkins - "You're Gonna Miss This." I really suggest you YouTube it. Such an amazing song. So true to life. It really fits me. I hope I slow down.

I'm really so grateful for this life experience. It has taught me so much about myself, about the kind of person I want to be for Bells. I used to be the type of person who has to have everything in its perfect place. Who would wash a dish right after someone used it. I'm now learning to leave the dishes for a few moments and just play with my beautiful daughter. Or today I was hanging up some clothes. I walked out of the room, and was gone maybe 2 mins and Bells had crawled over to the movie stand and was pulling movies off the shelf. Instead of getting stressed (because I had just alphabetized them haha.) I couldn't stop laughing at what a little monster she's become :)
I thank my Heavenly Father and Kody everyday for giving me this little precious soul, who will probably teach me just as much as I teach her.
From the heart of a mother.
Sincerely, Kiera