Motherhood

I want to write about motherhood. Its hard to find the right words to describe how this experience has been... My whole life I have always thought of kids as "just apart of the package." Something I knew I was going to do. I just didn't really know how it was going to be. I mean don't get me wrong, I knew the basics. Being the oldest of four kids, with my brother nine years younger than me I had a pretty good idea of what it was going to be like. I just don't think I was anywhere ready for the immense emotions that go along with changing a diaper, or in the beginning those midnight feedings. The love I feel for Sybella is unlike any other I've ever felt! The kind of love that you know if some bad person wanted to harm her you would gladly give yourself over to save her. I mean I really feel like a mama bear. Your protective instincts just come out so strong. All because of this intense love I feel for her. I remember when I was pregnant I loved walking around feeling like I was never alone :) I loved how much she kicked at any pressure from the outside world she felt. I remember how excited I was to meet her! I don't want to go into to much detail right now about my pregnacy or delivery because I plan to write Sybella's birthing story soon. But what I'm trying to explain is since I first found out I was pregnant I already felt like a mother. There was a strong pressure to protect and take care of this little life inside me. I have now discovered that being a mother is the best gift I've ever been given. It is such a joy everyday to take care of my little BellaRoo. Its the little moments that I've found mean the most to me. When I'm giving her a bedtime bottle as she starts to fall asleep in my arms, she reaches up grabs ahold onto my finger. It brings me to tears :') Or everytime she learns something new I get such a rush of pride. I'm trying to enjoy every moment I get with her. I think it can be difficult as a first-time-parent to not be mainly focusing on "the next stage" Sitting up on her own, rolling over, crawling ect. I'm working living in moment always. There is a song that is SO like me!! It makes me all teary eyed when I listen to it, like I am now *sniff sniff*. Trace Adkins - "You're Gonna Miss This." I really suggest you YouTube it. Such an amazing song. So true to life. It really fits me. I hope I slow down.

I'm really so grateful for this life experience. It has taught me so much about myself, about the kind of person I want to be for Bells. I used to be the type of person who has to have everything in its perfect place. Who would wash a dish right after someone used it. I'm now learning to leave the dishes for a few moments and just play with my beautiful daughter. Or today I was hanging up some clothes. I walked out of the room, and was gone maybe 2 mins and Bells had crawled over to the movie stand and was pulling movies off the shelf. Instead of getting stressed (because I had just alphabetized them haha.) I couldn't stop laughing at what a little monster she's become :)
I thank my Heavenly Father and Kody everyday for giving me this little precious soul, who will probably teach me just as much as I teach her.
From the heart of a mother.
Sincerely, Kiera

Poem

Also from my mini blog haha
I wanted to see if I could still write like I used to. I'm bored at work right now so I thought I would give it a go. I'm pretty happy with what came out of it. Let me know what you think.


Out of the blue, out of no where, thin air
you left me.
But I guess thats also how you came to be in my life.
seems proper you would keep the pace.

On that day, clear crisp, sunday
or was it raining?
You stood right there, as you do in my mind now
and looked at me.
With the wisdom of a thousand years.
Those eyes, those stark blue eyes,
smiling.
Ha! if eyes could smile,
but yours could, yours could.
I rememeber the way your mouth curved up.
Those perfect lips parted to speak,
no words, or sound
but not silent
with my pulse ringing in my ears.

The stars moved across the sky,
and the hands quickly on the face of time.
It passes,
hours, days, years.
But we are standing still.
Fozen, cemented in those happy moments.

Brushing my hair behind my ear.
My face cupped in your hand.
Staring, smiling, loving.
Our lips meet, my heart pounds.
The kiss by which all others are to be judged.
As a flash goes off in the distance.
We sit towering the world.
In our own privet heaven,
where a boy loves a girl.

Stop to my mind I say.
Back to the present with you.
Me?
Yes you.
As thoughts trickle down my face.
And tears come to my mind.
I don't know the answers
because the questions have also excaped,
lost, forgotton.
Only one, maybe two remain.
Where did you go?
Why didn't you stay.

By: Kiera Schvaneveldt 4-8-10

True love :)

Took this from my small blog on myspace. But I wanted it on my real blog now haha!
Today I've been thinking a lot about marriage. About what really makes it work. How its possiable for people to stay "happily" married their whole lives. I have gotten alot of advice, and heard alot of qouts on the subject.

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.
I so agree with this! You have to be someone that your husband would want to fall in love with. EVERY DAY!
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. I think there are many stages to love. And people change over the years, many times. You just have to find someone that your able to grow with.
I am no where near the person I was at 17 when Kody and I first fell in love. Somethings for better and maybe somethings for worse, but he still loves me. Kody and I are constently finding new things to fall in love with each other for.

Our story: June 26 2006 When I was 17 I loved him for his chrisma, the way he would light up a room when he walked in. For his confidence, people girls and guys would flock to him. He was a bassist in a band "A Forgotten Farewell" I loved to watch him play! I respected how talented he is. That year was full of fun and kisses! I loved how romantic and cheesy he is. How everyday was an adventure :) We were joined at the hip, and it pained us to be away from each other even a day.
When I was 18 he proposed June 16th 2007! I and discovered our love was a lot older than our age. I moved to St. George and I loved him for the way he always made us work. How at that times he was the strong one. He was the person who never wanted to give up on us! He moved down there for me. Left his home, family and band, got his licence, bought a car and drove down. I am still in awe today when I think of the sacrifice that he made for me! Down there we were each others only friends, we had no one else. He became very close to my family. He is more like a son, or a brother, than an inlaw.
We moved back up to Davis county. At 19 we were married:D :D :D September 26 2008 The day we always talked and dreamed about. "How cool it will be when we have our own house, when we can sleep in the same bed every night, when we can spend the rest of our lives together!" Our newlywed days were full of tons of fun! Hanging out with friends, going to movies, having parties, and going out to dinner. We discovered married life was very "cool" but also very expensive. We have delt with loss of jobs, and just general money problems. But we got through. We always make it. I loved him so much for his positivity, for always being upbeat! Later that year I go to the doctor and he tells me I have some fertility issuse that would make it difficult if not impossiable to conceive. Kody and I have always wanted kids, but we wanted to wait until we were compleatly stable. Due to the news Kody and I talked about it and decided we would rather be young parents then not parents at all. When I was 20, we got off the birth control, thinking it would take many months or even years to have a baby. ONE MONTH LATER... to the day! We found out we were pregnant!! April 29th 2009 Kody was so excited! He couldn't stop hugging me. I got very scared. I'm really not good at change, and our lives were about to change forever. After the shock I became obsessed with the pregnancy. So excited that we were about to be parents! Kody was such a huge support! He came to every single baby appointment we had, even if it was just a check up! We kinda became newlyweds all over again! We really enjoyed our last months as a couple before we became a family. I loved Kody for how patient he was with me and those crazy pregnancy hormones! I loved Kody for how hard of a worker he is! I loved him for how supportive he is! Our daughter Sybella Marlene Schvaneveldt was born December 21st 2009! She has become the light of our lives! I have discovered how amazing a father Kody is! I love the way he takes such joy in the little things. I love how Sybella already has Kody wrapped around her little finger :) I love Kody's and my conversations in the quiet night after we put Sybella to bed. He really is my best friend! I love how he never judges me, how I can tell him anything thats on my mind. He gives great advice. I love the way we communicate. There is never an awkward subject for us, and I think it makes us so much stronger having that connection! I love the little things he does like kissing me before he goes to work, writing on I love you on the bathroom mirror, still grabing my hand to hold when we walk, holding hands in the car, taking out the trash, sending me cute texts at work, just for still being completly crazy about me :) Now at age 21 August 27 2010 I am still so in love with Kody, for more reasons then when we started! Our wedding was years ago. The celebration continues to this day. I look forward to the years ahead! Knowning they will be full of even more love and more ways to love! Thank you kody for being such an amazing husband, father, lover, and friend!
I will always try to be the type of person you deserve every day!

Wow this blog was going to be about love and marriage advice that I've heard, and it kinda changed and morphed into something else. I guess I can relate that to life that sometimes our path changes and alters, but as long as we and keep our main focus we will get to the right destination.
Maybe in later blogs to come I'll share my thoughts on what I think makes a marriage last for life :)

Sincerely,
From the heart and mind of Kiera

Friends

I've been thinking a lot today about friends. I have come to believe everyone comes into your life for a reason. I think they also leave for a purpouse as well.
But I really have to say that I'm so thankful for all the friends that have come into my life. I know each one has fit certin stages of my years on this earth, and made me the person who I am today.
My preschool friends helped me color and walk out of day care haha. If you were my friend in elementary school... special thanks to you!!! For putting up with my super dorkness (well I guess that kind of goes for all my friends haha.) Except I lost the stretch pants in my later years thank goodness. My Jr. High friends, my soul mates! Thank you for loving me, even if I didn't know who I truely was at that point in time. I hold all of you so close in my heart! Mostly you little punks ;) for giving me a new start. The times that we shared are some of my fondest memories. My High school friends thank you for never giving up on me. For being there when I had no one else (family moved to St. George while I stayed in Davis.)
For the ones who came and went. You have left foot prints on my heart that will never fade. Thank you for the closeness we shared. I truely wish you the best in all of lifes endeavors.
For the bestie I love you! My little yang! Thank you for caring so deeply about me. I hope that things never change between us. I will always fight for us :)
And for the ones who have been my most constent companions Tashie, Kev, Jer Bear, Bun Bun, Cam, Emma Pants, Macie Cakes, Asi Baby, Shelly, and Nate. I love you all so much! Thank you for sharing your light with me. You have, and continue to impact my life in many ways.
Last but certainly not least. Thank yous to my amazing hubby Kody. For being the best friend of them all. For being the type of friend I was always praying for. I'm so grateful for you. I love you with all my heart and soul!
I hope I am always worthy of your friendship!

Just thought you'd like to know.
Sincerely, Kiera

Once upon a time...

I have rewrote these first few lines at least 10 times now. I figure if I keep up this pace I should post this sometime mid October. So I'm just going to dive in. Here goes... My blog goal is to be as real with this page as I am inside. Hence the title "Living Out Loud". My name is Kiera. I married my best friend on a perfect day in September. Kody is the most amazing husband. I am so very lucky. For our 2nd Christmas we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. She has become our world! Somedays I have to wake up and pinch myself to make sure this is all real. I love my life! Even the day to day busy little nothings.

Well its getting late. So until next time,

Sincerely, Kiera